I haven't blogged in a long time, around seven months I believe. I'm in an unsettled place right now, with many routes to explore but the options still seem limited to me. For the past 4 months I have felt that I have been constantly waiting....waiting for confirmation, waiting for notification, waiting for reassurance. And now I am having to wait again after receiving my answers. It's not in my control and I am trying very hard to keep faith but I'm tired and it doesn't always remain at the front of my thoughts.
Should I ride out the storm? Do I turn back if I don't reach that goal? Do I change tack and follow a new path? I feel like I am sitting crossed legged in the middle of a cross roads, waiting for a message that someone may think about letting me down their road. It's an odd feeling. I have no clue what will happen to me in the next two weeks. I'm concerned but not worried, I don't know whats going on but I'm trying to be patient. I feel idle, I'm unable to hasten anything, but the things I can do something about, I struggle to complete them.
Trust means nothing without any risk attached. I hope I get some responses soon.
Tuesday 21 June 2016
Sunday 15 November 2015
Hmm... first blogg post.
Hello, welcome to my blogg. I'm adding an extra 'g' because I think its more aesthetically pleasing.
I am writing this blogg as a means of opening up my brain. I will be as honest as I am, :P ; as uncensored as possible and as interesting as you find me.
I am one of these people who finds it hard to open up, I'm a bottler. I am also quite erratic, I feel, in my energy. I am either hyper, drinking energy drinks to keep my levels uppity up, or I'm numb...running on fumes of energy fuel. (Yes my doctor knows, I'm being looked after don't worry.)
I made a couple of choices recently, one a key ingredient to my life, the others by-products.
The important one was to CALM DOWN. And yes, I have anxiety and over-stressful brain thoughts, calming down is simply not an option sometimes. Despite that, however, I have simply had enough. I'm fed-up of feeling that I'm not normal, being infallible is impossible said a relatively new but great friend, in fact, she strove to tell me, its human!
Okay, so I'm faced with the new challenge. No, not the how can I avoid being human question? The how can I accept, and more importantly in my view, how can I feel human?
I have never been described as "quirky", that is because I by far have surpassed the level of quality that dictates quirky. "Kitschy" and "unique" are also words not strong enough to describe that part of me. "Weird" has been the word that has sprung to most peoples mind. I have one friend who tells me I'm "weird" at least once every time we meet. I'm used to that by now. I was once told I was "weird" for reading on a tea break, which made me concerned for the speaker frankly. My favourite judgemental comment is when people bluntly state, "You're weird." Why do they feel the need to tell me? Is it because they think I haven't spotted it yet? Or because I'm confident in my personality that they feel the need to justify it out loud for their own peace of mind? Does it make them uncomfortable, or were they just unprepared for my individuality?
These thoughts always plague me. I'm generally happy, a naturally positive person which is quite contradictory to the belief that people with mental health are "downers".
I have decided to start mindfulness meditation. I am on full day 2, and I already feel better. I also have had an epiphany. I don't need to be on maximum level energy to get through the day. I can just do things without whizzing about like a cartoon character. Who knew? I'll keep you posted blogg.
I am writing this blogg as a means of opening up my brain. I will be as honest as I am, :P ; as uncensored as possible and as interesting as you find me.
I am one of these people who finds it hard to open up, I'm a bottler. I am also quite erratic, I feel, in my energy. I am either hyper, drinking energy drinks to keep my levels uppity up, or I'm numb...running on fumes of energy fuel. (Yes my doctor knows, I'm being looked after don't worry.)
I made a couple of choices recently, one a key ingredient to my life, the others by-products.
The important one was to CALM DOWN. And yes, I have anxiety and over-stressful brain thoughts, calming down is simply not an option sometimes. Despite that, however, I have simply had enough. I'm fed-up of feeling that I'm not normal, being infallible is impossible said a relatively new but great friend, in fact, she strove to tell me, its human!
Okay, so I'm faced with the new challenge. No, not the how can I avoid being human question? The how can I accept, and more importantly in my view, how can I feel human?
I have never been described as "quirky", that is because I by far have surpassed the level of quality that dictates quirky. "Kitschy" and "unique" are also words not strong enough to describe that part of me. "Weird" has been the word that has sprung to most peoples mind. I have one friend who tells me I'm "weird" at least once every time we meet. I'm used to that by now. I was once told I was "weird" for reading on a tea break, which made me concerned for the speaker frankly. My favourite judgemental comment is when people bluntly state, "You're weird." Why do they feel the need to tell me? Is it because they think I haven't spotted it yet? Or because I'm confident in my personality that they feel the need to justify it out loud for their own peace of mind? Does it make them uncomfortable, or were they just unprepared for my individuality?
These thoughts always plague me. I'm generally happy, a naturally positive person which is quite contradictory to the belief that people with mental health are "downers".
I have decided to start mindfulness meditation. I am on full day 2, and I already feel better. I also have had an epiphany. I don't need to be on maximum level energy to get through the day. I can just do things without whizzing about like a cartoon character. Who knew? I'll keep you posted blogg.
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